For a long time, I thought that building a business that actually worked for me meant building a business that was... Less than other businesses.
Smaller.
Less serious.
Less profitable.
Less likely to make a real impact.
Less likely to create good jobs.
Less likely to create lasting change in the world.
As much as it sucks to admit it, even I thought that building a business that didn't follow the neurotypical model of success meant that I would get results that were... Well, less.
The standard model is to hustle, to sacrifice, to exploit and extract, to cause harm while saying shit like "it's not personal, it's just business." To lose sleep and sacrifice my health and sacrifice my children and my relationship with them.
And since I refuse to take those actions, and culture tells us that those actions are what are required to build something successful, logic would dictate that I won't be as successful if I don't do those things.
That's not true.
I've realized, building a business that works with your brain doesn't just build you a cutesy, lesser version of a "real" business. It's not a business with an asterisk*, a qualifier, a business but built for someone like me.
It's actually better.
When we actually shift the whole model of business to work for ND folks, it actually works better for NT folks, too.
All of business can be better if we build businesses using the Unworking frameworks. Like, consider these things:
- Building honest systems means that we gain back all of the time we spend on pretense and pretending that we can do things we can't. We build systems for object permanence issues, we create project-based stuff so we don't have to pretend we have the same energy every day, and we stop trying to show up and perform when we're unable (and it takes twice the energy.)
We gain back all of the time and mental bandwidth we spent on trying to remember things we can't remember, and we just build systems to do that for us. Our businesses can grow faster because we're setting up our systems faster and more sustainbly. - Sustainable businesses are resilient. I know that sounds really obvious, like, duh, but we don't think of it that way. When we build businesses that expect executive dysfunction and inconsistent energy and rejection sensitivity and demand avoidance and time blindness, we also build businesses that are more resilient to market changes, staff turnover, interest rate fluctuations... All of that EXTERNAL stuff that often makes the "razors' edge" hustle mentality businesses collapse.
- Honesty makes better decisions. We stop taking on poor-fit clients just because we could help them. This gets us better results, more word of mouth, and more growth. We stop building offers with runaway minecarts full of features and focus on our real capacity, making more efficient and valuable packages that do more for our clients with less.
- We make more money when we estimate for actual time in a project, instead of trying to be more affordable by not accounting for the recovery time, creative time, rest time, etc. between projects. Yes, I'm saying your clients should be paying for your naps. They benefit from them by getting immense value from a well-rested expert!
I'm not out here tearing down stereotypes and trying to shake up how we do business just so that we can do the neurotypical way with less effort. That's not what this is about.
If we want to get the same (or better) results than the traditional model of business would give us, we can't just slap a pretty bow on our biggest struggles and try to mask harder.
We have to change the model.
We have to change the way we do business.
Unworking isn't about finding ways to do things the way you're supposed to in spite of yourself.
It's about doing things a different way.
And different isn't less.
It's just different.
- Cheryl
❤️ More Support
We're about 10 days out from the OFFICIAL start date of the Neurodivergent Accessible Provider Program - our 16-week certification program for service providers who want to work with neurodivergent folks in their businesses and get more ND clients.
With the certification, you get everything you need to make your business more accessible for YOU and everyone you serve, PLUS a full marketing plan to help you attract and retain more neurodivergent clients who need you, plus a full year of marketing, ops, communications, design, movement, bookkeeping, and executive functioning support.
All inclusive. Nothing extra to buy. One-stop shop.
🐿️ Squirrel Squad - Facebook Group Updates
A few members have asked about the Guides recently. I'll be adding a lot more resources over the next while, but to start you off, this is the link to what is already posted.
We've had a lot of new members recently, and some cool threads about executive functioning. Lots of requests for software tools. Make sure you visit regularly to get updates!
💯 Days Without Deadlines
Well. That was PDA the whole time.
The burnout. The refusal to use deadlines anymore. The fact that I still haven't watched Game of Thrones and you can't make me.
"Pathological Demand Avoidance."
I've stripped off the "P" and just call it demand avoidance, because the word itself isn't often used kindly.
Here is what is REALLY interesting though.
When you look up demand avoidance, you find two things:
It's strongly correlated with autism (even though I know many ADHDers who also struggle with this)
AND
They have no f*cking idea what it actually is.
Even the name reflects the sum total of their knowledge of the subject.
"I want my neurodivergent person to do a thing, and they're refusing."
I'm making a demand, and you're avoiding it, so it must be pathological.
Compulsive. Behavioural. Fixable, and a problem.
Every PDA description is a blender of ADHD and autistic experiences of social challenges and executive dysfunction, with a "strong need for autonomy" and "sees demands as threatening" slapped on top.
And this?
Well friends this is the problem with most of the modern accommodations of neurodiversity in the first place, and why I'm here trying to do better.
Take, for example, that I literally didn't know I was actually textbook ADHD until I was 37 because of the way symptoms are described from the POV of the inconvenienced neurotypical person and not my actual experience.
I stayed on task (because everything has a deadline and that panic keeps me on task.
I am on time everywhere I go (because I have a system! It's cortisol. That's the system.)
I did well in school (because I was masking and people pleasing so hard and I could spot patterns, so I finished the assignments during class and got given more work because I was "so smart".)
I stayed in my seat (because the RSD of getting embarrassed in front of the entire class was stronger than the constant need to move.)
So the classic ADHD kid symptoms of bouncing around impulsively, being distracted, being late, failing at school, etc - the things teachers and parents see as "problems to fix" - weren't things I experienced.
My internal, lived experience of these things was nightmarishly bad, but even I thought I was just broken because I didn't meet the external perceptions of ADHD.
Demand avoidance is just that.
It's the external perception of an internal struggle.
So when I reached the depths of burnout, where that end of day "one more thing could push me over the edge" feeling became my entire LIFE - and everything was "one more thing" - I didn't see it as PDA, I saw it as burnout and deadlines were stressful etc etc.
What I didn't see was that deadlines were removing my autonomy and my choice.
What I didn't see was that the ability to be self-determined day to day was mission critical to my feelings of safety.
What I didn't see
was that that inside of my body and my brain
every external demand was creating a massive neurochemical and biological cascade in my body that completely paralyzed me.
It's not that I'm avoiding demands.
It's that a deadline or an externally imposed task or a request or question lobbed at me in the middle of something else was the equivalent of throwing a stick into the spokes of a Tour de France street bike careening down a steep hill.
When I'm in burnout especially, which means almost entirely dopamine depleted, hormonally messed up, and adrenally fatigued...
... an external demand, question, request, or deadline, was an immediate demand of resources that I did not have to:
- Understand what's being asked (language processing)
- Map the steps required (executive functioning)
- Predict the outcome (pattern spotting)
- Evaluate capacity (time blindness and short term memory)
- Integrate with existing plans (object permanence)
- Calculate resource requirements (sequential processing and resource allocation)
But in my brain, those processes can't activate on demand.
They don't run smoothly.
They require more energy to activate.
They require dopamine, which I may or may not have.
They depend on glutamate for processing (and on open glutamate receptors to be available for processing, requiring minimal cognitive load to have happened so far that day.)
They consume more glucose which may or may not be available due to the way dopamine and glucose and insulin all play together like Regina George and her Mean Girls friends. (They're frenemies at best.)
They demand more cognitive resources.
AND they're often a transition I may or may not be prepared to make.
The absence of these resources when met with a deadline, task, question, or demand caused a biochemical cascade that paralyzed me.
Cortisol (say goodbye to my prefrontal cortex, memory forming and consolidation, and learning capacity, while spiking glucose)
Norepinephrine (hello fight/flight/freeze response, anxiety, and hypervigilance, and goodbye executive dysfunction)
Insulin (glucose spike means insulin spike which means glucose drop, resulting in my brain prioritizing basic functions and shutting down higher order processing to survive, while also further blocking dopamine reuptake)
Deadlines were forcing me to do tasks when I didn't have the resources to actually complete them, setting off the 🚨ALL HANDS ON DECK🚨 emergency system in my brain, and shutting everything. Else. Down.
That's why it caused burnout.
Deadlines don't cause cortisol on their own.
Deadlines are demands that require us to do tasks whether or not we have set ourselves up as capable and resourced to do the tasks.
Deadlines were literally lions, because they were asking my body for things it did not have. It set of the emergency sirens and left me functioning off cortisol and coffee.
So, what now?
Well, for starters, deadlines are dead to me.
But also, I'm going to change the way I set myself up to do tasks. I'm still finding myself relying on this biochemical cascade of "oh shit" to get things done quite often.
What would happen if instead of hitting the big red "emergency" button every time I need to send an email, I honoured my needs?
What if I sat down and checked?
Got enough dopamine? Glucose regulated? Body temp and sensory needs in check? Minimal decisions made so far? PFC activated? Language processing warmed up?
Now, choose 3 entry paths to the task - 3 possible first steps. And then choose one, and go.
PDA isn't me avoiding demands, pathologically and it's not entirely alleviated by choice.
PDA is someone turning the key to my brain-engine when my sparkplugs are disconnected, my fuel tank is empty, the oil pan is dropped and the air filter is plugged.
And when that doesn't work, cortisol straps a rocket to my busted-ass car and we all just cross our fingers that the wheels don't come off.
From now on, no one touches my keys but me - and I'm going to make sure my engine is ready to run before I try to start it.
💃 Fun With Friends
This is a new section where I share things that some of my business pals are up to, sharing, promoting, or creating each week.
This week, I'm reminding you that I'm LIVE in Portland on December 8 & 9 with Dusti Arab and Veronica Yanhs at Reinvent(ed) LIVE! I'll be hosting exclusive masterminding sessions on day two, and there are still a small number of those tickets available. Details here.
💪 Business adaptation of the week
Moving my office back to a bigger space has been hugely creative and dopamine-inducing this week. My environment has a massive impact on my cognitive functioning and ability to get things done. The room isn't done yet, but already it's so much better and lighter.
🎁 My favourite things this week
The sweater I'm making! I've got about 1/3 of the body left, and then onto sleeve island I go. LOL. But I'm very excited to finish it soon!
🐲 Hobby Hoarder Updates
Secret project announcement coming. Shhhh ;)
📚 What I'm reading
I'm on 10X is Easier than 2X and finally actually cracked it open and started reading, and OF COURSE it's got me hooked. Going to spend more time this evening going through it.
I'm also reading How to Sell A Haunted House, because I have to get those spooky reads done before Halloween. It's poised to be a good read!
Want to follow my reading? Check me out on StoryGraph, the minority-owned GoodReads competitor I love!
