Why we feel resistance to selling + what to do
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Every week or so, someone posts in the group some variation of:
"How do I sell myself when the idea of sales is repulsive?"
And this is a SUPER valid question. I'm not minimizing or poking fun at it. Not at all. It's a really common struggle for us, and that's why it keeps coming up.
What's interesting about this is that in neurotypical spaces, we'll often hear some variation of, "oh, but it's not though, you're wrong. So do it anyway." Which is about as helpful as an umbrella during a November storm in the PNW.
(Hint: there's a reason locals don't usually even own umbrellas. It's just going to rain sideways on you instead.)
Obviously, I have a different take.
You're actually right. Sales is repulsive.
At least, the way we assume sales has to be done is completely repulsive to us.
Reaching out to strangers and asking them to buy our stuff?
Pressuring people to buy during our first ever interaction?
Building relationships for the sole purpose of getting something out of the relationship and trying to hide that fact and pretend we're not just going through social niceties even though we both know what's actually going on and this feels fake AF, won't somebody please just let me go home and stop pretending?
When you've spent your entire life hearing that your needs are a burden, that your highest value is in your people pleasing behaviours, that you misunderstand everything and everyone, that you didn't read a situation correctly, that you're too direct or too blunt, that you said the wrong thing...
... social interactions as complex as traditional sales feel like an absolute minefield of missteps, blunders, and things that feel out of integrity.
So we either don't do it, or we look for templates, automations, and rote systems to "other" what is happening so we don't have to think or feel about it. And then we blame the system (or our "lack of social skills") for it not working.
Here's the thing.
We can't sell the way the neurotypicals do. We just can't. We can't start an interaction that is clearly about selling something with a stranger, pretend it's not, and then successfully navigate all of the subtext and social cues to close the deal and still feel like we're not big Lying McLiarfaces.
As a neurodivergent person, you need to sell using your strengths. Specifically:
- Your ability to start conversations and follow random topics
- Your directness
- Your excitement and fixation
- Your pattern spotting abilities
- Your integrity and insistence on following the "rules"
And a few other things.
To sell as a neurodivergent person, you need to:
- Strike up conversations with strangers while either being
- Completely detached from the outcome and just out to make new friends or
- Having an excuse that isn't "selling things" to initiate contact and build a relationship with the person
- Genuinely build a relationship with the person. Your only goal in business is to build a ton of relationships. Take your eye off sales calls booked and all that jazz, that's not your metric. NEW FRIENDS is your metric.
- Understand that your new friends might become clients, but they also might become mentors, colleagues, referral sources, collaborators, they might make connections for you, they might have you speak at events or on their podcast, there are 100x ways that you and your new friend can help each other out without making it transactional and weird. Take the focus OFF just finding clients and aim to become the best connected person in your industry.
- Further those conversations by offering up resources, help, and support to the people you meet and connect with.
- When in conversations, when you hear something you can help with, be direct and tell them. This can take the form of:
- Hey! I should connect you with so and so, you should collaborate!
- Oh I saw an article on that, let me grab it for you
- Have you been on XYZ podcast? I have a connection over there, let me introduce you
- I wrote something about that in a report last year, want me to send you a copy?
- I know a software tool that can help that!
- OR
- "OOOOOOOH I could totally fix that for you/help with that. It's what I do. Are you in a position to bring in some help? Should we schedule a call to talk details?"
That last line has made me a million dollars. No lie. Not like, all at once or anything 🤣 but hearing ways I can help and directly inserting myself into those situations, instead of hiding my intentions, has been directly responsible for the majority of the client work I've secured over my career.
Most neurotypical people won't sell this way.
They'll do the performative socializing and then get to the sales part using the subtle social stuff, dancing around it and not being direct until someone is halfway through reading a contract and then realizes they've been sold to. (Which is part of why it feels gross. We've all been sold to this way.)
People find this direct approach refreshing, because it incorporates a few very important things:
Consent, and clear expectations.
People won't be in a sales situation with you unless you've clearly asked for it, they understand that they're getting into a sales conversation, and they've consented.
Then you can do the work of explaining how you can help, why they should move forward, and ask directly if they want to buy from you.
AND because this is just one aspect of your relationship, it doesn't have to be awkward and weird if they say no. It can just be that you're not doing that thing, but you're still doing all of the other things.
You're not wrong to feel gross about sales.
You've just never been taught how to do it without being gross and manipulative and hiding your true intentions behind social niceties that make no sense.
(FYI, I there are two resources on doing this inside of Solo School. The Social Selling course on using social media for lead generation, complete with checklists, and the Sales Workshop replay teaches you how to do sales calls without being weird and manipulative. Both are available instantly when you join - even if you're a month-to-month member, even though that membership is 10% of what most sales courses cost 😉.)
In the group this week, Mimi posted about not niching (I definitely agree with her on this); Lark was looking for accountability buddies; Kathleen was looking for some launch help and community members came out in full force; the thread about estrogen, insulin, and dopamine started several interesting rabbit holes; another member posted about the link between ADHD and obesity leading to several similar conclusions; and I reminded everyone that my last "everything I've ever made" bundle is up for grabs because it felt wrong not to try and sell it until they were all gone 🤣.
Will you be popping in the group next week? I'm thinking of hosting some lives and would love to see you there!
- Cheryl
❤️ How to work with me
There is currently one bundle left of everything I've ever created for anyone who joins Solo School on a full annual membership. That includes my freelancers course (including advanced social selling + authority content engines), my CatalystAI with lifetime access, the DIY audit course (build your own marketing strategies using these thought experiments and my AI model), and every feature of Solo School - currently at around 60% off!
