[TW: Mental health, ideation]
I’ve been talking to a lot of people lately about process vs. outcome.
So much of our society is focused on the outcome, right? Be rich. Make a million (or a billion) dollars. Buy the house, buy the car, get the degree, get the job, start the business, get the client, finish the race, sell the product, etc.
This is, largely, where external validation is found. In the completion of a process or a journey. In the outcome.
Nobody cared about Venus and Serena Williams, when they were 4 years old and playing with their dad. Or when they were 10 and winning regional junior championships. The world didn’t pay attention until they turned pro - the outcome of over a decade of effort.
Most motivational content tries to inspire us with the outcome, with the external validation.
“Do it because they said you couldn’t.”
“A year from now, you’ll wish you started today.”
“Imagine what life will be like when you [achieve thing]!”
So when we’re lacking in motivation to do the repetitive, daily grind of growing a business, or training for a race, or perfecting a craft, or learning a skill, or reading a book, it’s really hard to do anything but focus on the finish line.
After all, for most of us, it is all we’ve ever been taught.
Right down to “it’ll only take 5 minutes, and then you’ll be finished!”
This results in a lot of adults who literally have no idea how to enjoy the process of something, because it’s been consistently devalued. They’ve only ever been praised for the outcomes they create. The good grades, the revenue milestones, the books they finished, the meals they cooked, the project they completed.
But that, my friends, is where the real outcome is.
I used the example in a recent conversation of my half-marathon training, once upon a time.
(Like they say, “how do you know someone ran a (half) marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you. 😂)
Anyway, back in 2015 after my son was born, I ended up in… Well, let’s just call it what it was. An absolute pit of despair. The worst postpartum depression you could imagine. The kind with “the bad thoughts”. Right? Full on dark night of the soul, rock bottom, if it gets better than this is it even worth it level stuff.
I reached out to my healthcare team for support. Their suggestion? “Here’s a support group that meets weekly, you should go.”
Right. A support group. For someone who feels paralyzed leaving the house, who is dealing with massive social anxiety and rocked confidence, and has no reliable childcare. Love this for me.
So it was up to me to pull myself out.
And of course, I didn’t at first. Things got worse before they got better. But after some time, I was able to get angry.
You know the kind of angry I’m talking about?
The kind that smells of righteous indignation at the injustice of it all, that is really closer to a narrow-eyed, steel-focused determination than true anger?
I got that kind of angry.
I told myself it was time to find something I loved doing, and get back to it. I had been a runner in school, I missed it, I wanted to get back to it, so I signed my ambitious ass up for a half-marathon 9 months away for my 29th birthday present to myself and got to work.
The race was cool, but do you know what changed my brain chemistry for the rest of my life?
Training for it.
The process of getting ready for that race, of getting out there 3-4x per week for 9 months through miserable rain and blasting heat, through unsupportive friends and other people’s sabotage, through minor injuries and major setbacks, of setting new personal bests on a training run (and then worsts, the very next try…)
All of these things taught me more about myself.
Who I am, what I like, how I think, how I get motivated.
The process of getting ready for that race pulled me out of my postpartum depression, gave me back a part of myself I thought had been lost forever, and taught me more about myself, my motivations, my thought patterns, and how to talk myself through just about anything, than anything else I had ever done.
It’s like this with every project I start.
My life is filled with quests. I make socks, or a sweater. I learn to run. I learn to ride a bike. I build a yoga practice. I master a recipe. I read a book. I write a book. I finish a painting. I learn to draw. I build a resource, hire a new Solo School coach, make a program improvement, build a new tool.
Truly - my life is filled with quests.
And the thing about quests is, you find the destination at the end of them…
… but you find yourself along the way.
Every single quest I’ve ever undertaken has provided me, as a person, with more value than the actual outcome or achievement ever has.
As neurodivergent folks, learning to do this is almost essential.
Yes, you can be motivated without it. But because we almost never feel that sense of accomplishment from finishing something? Because we don’t get that “high” from finishing a major project? Because at best, we get a sigh of relief when we’re done?
We need to enjoy the journey.
We, especially and in particular, need to understand the value of doing the thing now - detached from what the thing might one day bring.
Like my daily yoga practice now. Of course one day I want to be doing some of the incredible moves that people like Laruga Glaser can do! But that’s not what keeps me going, or gets me going.
Knowing that being on the mat feels good, gets me onto it. Knowing that stretching my shoulders helps me relax, gets me to start. Enjoying the feeling of being a bit stronger today keeps me going.
Amazingly, when you start working on enjoying the process or the journey to become something, you start to revel in it is a little bit longer… Finishing becomes a little bit less of a relief, and a bit more of a goodbye.
After my half marathon in September of 2016, I didn’t have another goal, and I didn’t understand this yet, so I slowed down. I stopped training as frequently. Spotty runs and training persisted through 2021, and then almost completely stopped. By January of this year, my “one day” goal of running an ultra marathon before I turned 40 looked like nothing more than a laughable idealistic goal from a 20-something who didn’t know any better.
Until I found myself back in a place where I didn’t need the goal, I needed the process.
I didn’t need to race, I needed to run.
And as usual, the incomparable Christy Farr kicked my ass and told me to do it. She made it sound so easy. So I found a way that felt feasible, and I started.
Walking 30 mins a day at first. Which I really started to enjoy. And then I started to run. And now I’ve signed up for a race in June. Just a 4k, but I did.
It’s not the goal - it’s just a quest, on the journey. It’s part of the process.
I signed up for the gym, so I can get stronger and faster.
I started hiking again, because I missed it and it would get me ready for trails.
My kid and I are doing the gym together, so I get more time with him. He’ll be 15 this year. Time with him now is such a gift.
I changed the way I eat, so I can get enough protein to fuel my workouts. It’s crowding out the other things even more.
In tiny ways, my new identity as a runner is reshaping every part of my life, because it’s all part of a process - not an outcome.
I’m leaving in 2 hours for my next run.
You don’t have to run. Or walk. Or go to the gym or do yoga or start a craft or read a book or do anything you don’t want to do.
But whatever you are doing - in life, and in business - fall in love with the process. That’s where you find yourself.
We’re all neurodivergent here. The desired outcome is probably going to change anyway. 😂
Big love and happy trails,
- Cheryl
Solo School Intake is Now OPEN!
Intake for our May cohort is now open! We’re limiting registration to just 10 students to start with us in May, so if you’re interested in one of these spots please submit an application soon.
Solo School transforms the often-daunting process of building a business into an engaging, gamified journey structured around four key stages:
- Ideation: Turning your spark into a solid plan.
- Validation: Getting those crucial first sales and proving your concept.
- Repetition: Building predictable demand and capacity.
- Expansion: Scaling your impact through leveraged offers or team building.
These stages are broken down into actionable "Quests" (specific milestones) and "Skills" (powers you develop). As you complete Quests and gain real-world traction in your business, you "Uplevel" through our Tiers:
- Tier 1 (Ideation & Validation - $997 Lifetime): Lay the foundation and prove your business concept.
- Tier 2 (Repetition - $2997 Lifetime): Build reliable systems for sales and delivery.
- Tier 3 (Expansion - $4997 Lifetime): Scale your reach and impact responsibly.
What's Included (All Tiers):
- Step-by-Step Curriculum: Project-based learning focused on actionable skills and problem-solving, not just theory. You always know the next step.
- Expert ND Mentorship: Access "Office Hours" twice weekly with our team of ND experts in design, tech, bookkeeping, business strategy, relationships, and more.
- Vibrant Community: Connect with fellow ND entrepreneurs in dedicated forums and potentially peer support groups. Share struggles, celebrate wins, and collaborate.
- Lifetime Access: Pay once for your Tier and access the content and relevant community spaces forever.
Who It's For:
Neurodivergent knowledge workers, creative professionals, and small-scale makers (handmade/handmade-adjacent) who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsupported by conventional business resources and want a clear, accessible roadmap to building a sustainable, impactful, and socially conscious business.
Business Adaptation of the Week
“Who, not how.”
That’s it. That’s the adaptation this week. It’s guiding everything.
Everything that pops up that needs to get done, I ask myself “who should be doing this?” instead of “how can I cram this into my schedule?”
The result? I have 20+ hours per week I didn’t have before, a lot more delegated housework, and a list of tasks for the best dang VA in the known universe (Megan Eddings at Eddings & Co) to help me make the improvements we want for Solo School - plus a whole hiring plan through the rest of 2025.
And a possible new partnership on the content front, too.
Just because I can do everything (all things are possible with a little Google and enough spite) doesn’t mean I should do everything.
Who. Not how.
My Favourite Things This Week
Brilliant. that online learning platform all the YouTubers rave about. No, this isn’t sponsored. They barely know I exist. BUT I’ve been using Brilliant to brush up on my algebra for a purpose that will be revealed someday I promise, and it is one of the best examples of gamified adult education I’ve ever seen.
It uses a lot of the same elements that Finch uses to keep you going, to reward your progress, to break big things and goals down into routines, rituals, and steps, and so far seems to be working for my brain.
As someone who fell victim to the “gifted kid meets something actually challenging and loses entire identity” trope specifically in grade 10 math class, who now has to learn calculus because they’re an overly-ambitious weirdo, this is a miracle quite frankly.
No links, because, not sponsored. But Brilliant is pretty brilliant, if I do say.
What I’m Reading
“Trail of the Lost”, a book about the missing hikers of the PCT, that is a library book due back on Saturday. Nothing like a deadline to push me, right?
And I’ve picked Antenet Zettlekasten back up. I have had the book for some time, but Briar Harvey’s recent writing over at Briarwood and her reference to how her Antinet has helped her inspired me to pick it back up.
Good thing I’ve been going to the gym though, because damn. It’s not a light read. 😂
