Did you know that before very recently, I don't think I had ever experienced actual happiness?
Hear me out.
I have experienced joy, excitement, enthusiasm, affection, love, anticipation, relief, and any number of positive emotions. I know I have, because I was there.
But admittedly, those are all somewhat externally focused. Like, "if good things happen then I'll feel XYZ." Which isn't inherently bad...
... but I've realized that when people talked about "finding happiness within yourself, regardless of what's going on around you" - I never understood what they meant.
I always thought it was a metaphor or a euphemism for just calming down a bit when things are rough.
But no.
People are out here feeling genuine happiness no matter what's happening around them. Their emotional state was separate from their circumstances this whole time.
I've always been an optimist, but happiness? In the midst of chaos and tragedy and all the hard things happening in the world?
It's this realization that has shown me how much I've been living in a reactionary state, where everything I feel and everything I do is in response to something else I feel or do or experience.
It's taken me 37 years to wake up in the morning and think, "yeah, I'm happy today. No reason, just am."
And trust me, there are plenty of 🔥🔥🔥 situations around me that should have me reeling or panicking. This isn't a "my life is perfect" brag post, because it is not.
If dirty dishes are an indicator of how things are going, well I have to tell you that I literally have Rubbermaid tubs of them *beside* the full sink.
Two of them.
A bunch of stuff is sh!t right now, AND - I'm happy.
Not "but I'm happy"
Not "I'm happy anyway"
Both things are just true.
And it's f*cking WILD, YALL.
Unmasking, med1cating, and deconstructing all of this has taught me more about myself than anything I've ever done.
Lots in the newsletter this week, including some new segments and sections, so check out all the resources I've got for you and stick around for some of the events!
- Cheryl
❤️ More Support
We're about 10 days out from the OFFICIAL start date of the Neurodivergent Accessible Provider Program - our 16-week certification program for service providers who want to work with neurodivergent folks in their businesses and get more ND clients.
With the certification, you get everything you need to make your business more accessible for YOU and everyone you serve, PLUS a full marketing plan to help you attract and retain more neurodivergent clients who need you, plus a full year of marketing, ops, communications, design, movement, bookkeeping, and executive functioning support.
All inclusive. Nothing extra to buy. One-stop shop.
🐿️ Squirrel Squad - Facebook Group Updates
We've got a new mascot! Why? Because we need something to associate ourselves to, so we can be a more connected group. So, our little squirrel pal is our new mascot, and he needs a name. Watch for the poll to get posted tomorrow to choose his final moniker!
Wednesday around lunchtime, I'll be going live in the group with Dusti Arab and Veronica Yanhs to talk about community, connection, and this cool live (in-person) event we're doing in Portland in December. Come hang with us if you can!
A few members have asked about the Guides recently. I'll be adding a lot more resources over the next while, but to start you off, this is the link to what is already posted.
Make sure you remember to comment on Show Us Your Nuts Friday in the group with your promo, so we can see what you're up to!
💯 Days Without Deadlines
Now we're REALLY hitting a groove with this.
An online pal sent me a video over the weekend talking about deadlines and how they both help and harm, and it started a really great discussion about the harm that deadlines can specifically cause ND people.
Because early on, people pick up on the fact that we meet their expectations more with deadlines than without.
So they start using that.
They start making sure we have deadlines for everything, and we know how urgent the things are, because they know the more they give us deadlines and make sure we're aware of the urgency, the more likely we are to do what they've asked by when they've asked.
The fact that this comes at the expense of our sanity is just a bonus.
Much of the therapies targeted toward ND folks come from this perspective. "How can I make this person less of a problem for me? I know, deadlines for everything and forced eye contact!"
When they do this, we stop hearing about what a disappointment or pain we are, and start hearing approval. Acceptance (not of us, but still.)
So we play into it.
We start using deadlines, too, like everyone around us.
And before we know it, our breakfast has a deadline, we've time-blocked our water breaks, and we're so dysregulated that even one outside change to our routine knocks over the whole tower of blocks.
Living without deadlines has allowed me to step back from all of this externally imposed structure and find something that I had lost for 30+ years and, to be honest, genuinely didn't think I had:
Intrinsic motivation.
Yeah. Yall, I want to do things. I have things I like to do, even! And not just unwind/hobby stuff, either.
I've been looking forward to writing this newsletter for days.
I exercised this morning out of pure desire. Even stopped knitting and got out of bed to do it when I was cozy.
I had spent so long doing things because I had to get them finished before I disappointed someone, that I hadn't realized how much I was disappointing myself.
I don't think I'm ever going back. I think this is going to become "every day without deadlines" because, if the option to NOT do this exists, why would I return to a way of living or being that caused me so much harm?
💃 Fun With Friends
This is a new section where I share things that some of my business pals are up to, sharing, promoting, or creating each week.
This week, I'm reminding you that I'm LIVE in Portland on December 8 & 9 with Dusti Arab and Veronica Yanhs at Reinvent(ed) LIVE! I'll be hosting exclusive masterminding sessions on day two, and there are still a small number of those tickets available. Details here.
💪 Business adaptation of the week
I'm day-blocking. Picking themes for my days this week. I have 4 major projects on the go simultaneously (because of course I do...) so I have picked days to focus on each of those projects to get things done.
So far today I have largely ignored what I was supposed to focus on.
Oh well. 🤣
🎁 My favourite things this week
My new office! It isn't even done yet and it's already my favourite thing. I will finally have all of my hobby things and exercise things and work things in one space, so I can spend my time in there doing everything I enjoy. Work, fun, exercise, brainstorming, whatever it is - it can all happen in there! Maybe a short video tour next week?
🐲 Hobby Hoarder Updates
Secret project announcement coming. Shhhh ;)
📚 What I'm reading
I'm on 10X is Easier than 2X and finally actually cracked it open and started reading, and OF COURSE it's got me hooked. Going to spend more time this evening going through it.
I'm also reading How to Sell A Haunted House, because I have to get those spooky reads done before Halloween. It's poised to be a good read!
Want to follow my reading? Check me out on StoryGraph, the minority-owned GoodReads competitor I love!
